“So Paper you know where were we goin next?” Canz asked
“No! So shut your pop hole, And call him boss!” Yelled Clear Glass.
Paper smirked and said “look, let's steal litters looter!” As they hopped up to Litter, Litter asked “What's the Trash Mafia doing here?” Looking confused.
Then Green and Brown glass yelled “Give all your looter!”
Then Green and Brown glass yelled “Give all your looter!”
“Okay! don't hurt me!” Litter cried. Then out of nowhere the garbageman appeared. He'd finally found the Trash Mafia and said “got you now!” While they hopped away they lost Canz Plastic and sadly Brown Glass, later they vowed vengeance for their lost friends.
If paper is a name it should be capitalized. Don't forget punctuation at the end of a sentence, I think where you say clear class, you might mean clear glass. You can add a comma after no, and then continue on with the sentence. Comma after look, and did all the boxes ask about the trash mafia? You're mixing up tenses, so you might want to fix that. Your story is a bit confusing. Try reading it out loud.
ReplyDeleteAs Cocopuff mentioned, is Paper a name? Also I don't really know what you mean by yelled clear class Paper smirked and said...
ReplyDeleteTry to read it over and make sure you don't rush it, I found it a little hard to follow.
I was working on it but then it crashed
DeleteIn the first line I didn't really understand because it said "where were we goin next" maybe just clear that up because i had to read it once or twice to understand.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little confusing and hard to follow, but you've definitely come up with a creative way of turning a photo of recycle bins into a mafia war!
ReplyDelete