So imagine your friend asks you to hold a box for him for a week BUT you can't open it. What do you do? Well if you're like me you wait a few days and open it. Later I put my hand in the box and felt something warm and smooth. I pulled it out and it was a cockatrice egg, terrified I dropped it and it cracked. It came out and It ran up to me and started cuddling with me and later I found out it was a cockatrice and I love him, his name is Kakow.
You missed a lot of capitals there. B.T.W. some ppl don't know what a cockatrice is.
ReplyDeleteIn your last sentence you said that "it was a cockatrice and I love him his name is Kakow." I think you should have a comma between him and his. And also after some periods you didn't put any capitals.
ReplyDeleteYour opening sentences were really good, but you are forgetting a couple of things. You are missing capitals in the beginning of all your sentences, I don't get it when it says
ReplyDeletewell if you're like me you wait a few days and open it. then he came in just before I opened it."
You might want to clear up that sentence. Another thing I don't get is that if the cockatrice was an egg, how can it run up to you? Your story is great but it's fairly confusing to the readers.