I've been told the surface is the property of gods. "No one may go there."
So being mischievous, I gather Horus, and Pharon. "So here's the plan Pharon, you scare the rams, Horus you distract the elder, and I'll get the drill tron." I said it like a criminal mastermind.
"Um, what about food?" Horus inquired.
"Drill tron turns ores into food, so we'll be set!" I said, ever so cocky. When the door opened there it was.
"Um, what about food?" Horus inquired.
"Drill tron turns ores into food, so we'll be set!" I said, ever so cocky. When the door opened there it was.
"Like a breeze." I laughed, acting so slick.
"Umm… Garo turn around." Pharon and Dori replied.
"Noooooo!" I screamed... it was just a barren wasteland
Your whole story is a bit confusing. Who is Horus and Pharon? And at the ending I don't get why you were frightened. And who is Garo in the story?
ReplyDeleteTheir characters and it never says I'm frightened through inferring you can guess its me.;)
DeleteYour story is very different. I don't think that ore needs to have an s on the end, because I think that both the singular and plural nouns are spelt the same, like with 'I see a deer' and 'I see a herd of deer'. You also changed your characters at the end of the story. At the beginning you have Horus and Pharon, and at the end, you have Pharon and Dori.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers to make your story stronger. Some parts are confusing as you introduce new characters and items that I don't understand how they fit. You are always very inspired by the fantasy novels you read but I challenge you to write something inspired from a personal event that happened to you. This might help with working on fluency.
ReplyDelete