“Yay! Cyberman’s gonna save us” a lady said
“No! I'm done with this hero business you'll be data and so will you!” I exclaimed
“Never!” Insectoid hollard.
No! This is my moment!” I say turning his ants into robo-ants “Attack!”
That's when I started my legion.
*****
“We're so close to world domination!” I said enthusiastically.
“I can smell victory already!” Dogman chuckled devilishly
“Ssso clossse.” Hissed Snake
As were closing in onto America, incognito blew our cover how ironic. I see a flash "great now sparks located us."
“Ataaaaack!” I command.
After a tough battle I ruled once again
Your story is confusing, I don`t get it. Who is insectoid? And you spelled hollered wrong, you wrote ``hollard.`` And what do you mean by ``you`ll be DATA and so will you?`` And after ``sso closse`` you wrote ``As were...`` I think you mean we`re.
ReplyDeleteYou are missing a lot of grammer. Your story doesn't really make sense at all. I think you need to work on making your stories a little more clear. You were focused on streaching out the a's in attack, you forgot how it is really spelt. You are switching between past and present tense, which adds to the confusion. Like Rainbow Sunshine pointed out, there are some words thrown in there that make no sense.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your story this week. You have been really working on your punctuation when there is dialogue. I also notice that you really are able to pull out the tone and characteristics of the character by saying hissed, hollard, and chuckled instead of just saying said. Well done. Be careful when adding new characters and objects as your stories can sometimes get confusing. For example; is Sparks a new character added to the end of your story?
ReplyDelete