I was at my cabin, relaxing on the beach. When I saw my sister on the dock being a dancer so my “great” brotherly instincts kicked in, creeping towards her 3... 2... 1... “ahhhh!” squealing like a pig, falling into the jade green lake let's just say she went swimming. Then my dad challenged me to tubing so I was likely to fall off but I always have a plan my dad good outside the wake, why not giant waves? As I was gloating the boat interrupted me and ran out of gas me being dramatic I cry “We’re stranded!” and slink off The tube.
Your story is kind of confusing. By the way, what is a dock? And one of your sentences is like: "the boat interrupted me and ran out of gas ME being..." I don't get that part, you might want to fix that sentence.
ReplyDeletea dock is where you park a boat and i was gloating to my dad and we ran out of gas. ;)
DeleteYour story is good. You might want to make your story based one thing only, like you scaring your sister or your dad challenging you to tubing.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers as there are some other good suggestions to help improve your writing. It is also helpful to read your story out loud to a peer or an adult as you will pick up on sentences that need some revision. Spend the time editing and revising.
ReplyDelete