Because Kara lost a bet; she had to go into the rancid-smelling cave of bats. So Kara said "I can eat a bucket of butter."
We, her friends, really didn't want to go in there. So we got a giant bucket, filled it with Carolina reapers and she passed out from heat. When Kara woke up she was shocked to see us laughing and she stormed off because we laughed at her. She went in the cave and was so nervous, she tripped and fell in. We discussed what we should do; that was before the swarm.
That's what manuscript says.
I don`t really get your story...... they all passed out, so later when Kara woke up why was everybody laughing at her? And why did she feel so bad about it?
ReplyDeletethanks gonna fix it
DeleteI dont think you need to say she stormed off because we were laughing at her. I thing you should say that she stormed off with anger.
ReplyDeleteYour story was a confusing. Like at the part when Carolina passes out but then Kara wakes up. Other than that you have a good story.
ReplyDeleteA somewhat confusing story as I had to read it more than once to understand what was happening. I am confused about the Carolina reapers and how they fit into the story. I am also confused as to why she said she can eat a bucket of butter? Good job editing your sentences for capitals and periods. I notice that many of you sentences begin with 3 and 4 letter words I wonder if you can add stronger descriptive words to help tell you story especially to begin a sentence.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the feed back I will try to expand my vocabulary
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